I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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