All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
