the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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