The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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