The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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