You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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