So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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