I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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