im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
