I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
