those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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