Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
