do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
