he shaved USA in his pubs
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
