A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
