Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
