my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
