She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
