My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
