My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
His hands were made for my vagina.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
