What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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