Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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