If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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