He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The air was thick with penises
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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