you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
