Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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