Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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