The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
