so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
