There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Semen is not good for contacts.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
