1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
This girl is more easily done than said...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
