i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
