So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
