I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
