i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
