I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So much rum. So many feels.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
