im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he wants to bone in the snuggie
People with herpes should wear stickers.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
