I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
