Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You smell like stripper and shame
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
