My room smells like vodka and shame
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
