addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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