Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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