I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
