Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Is it penis luge time yet?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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