Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
