Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
