Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
