lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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