i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
