She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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