My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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