neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
