we were pretty classy up until the second keg
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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