I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
